Choosing hope with Indiana football
The moment was shown on Sportscenter last weekend, but Indiana's win over Penn State had so, so, so much more behind it.
Hope is a fickle thing. Even when we aren’t looking for it, are actively avoiding it, it can present itself.
I’ve long considered myself an optimist. It’s a more pleasant way to live life. At times, my optimism can border naivety.
The direct counter to that optimism is Indiana football. For as long as I’ve been a fan, they’ve been the embodiment of hopelessness. Few teams know how to crush a soul than the Hoosiers.
I could take you for a long trip down memory lane and explain it to you. I could tell you about my euphoria as a college freshman in 2009 when Darius Willis raced down the sideline for an 85-yard touchdown in the fourth quarter to take the lead against No. 23 Michigan only for IU to lose after an incorrect interception ruling aided the Wolverines. I could tell you about the game a year later where IU tied and lost the game in the final 80 seconds against No. 19 Michigan.
I could write about the game in 2015 against No. 1 Ohio State when IU’s backup QB nearly pulled off the greatest of upsets only for a pass interference in the endzone against Ohio State as time expired went uncalled and Indiana lost 34-27. I could take you back to earlier this year when Indiana did something that 471 FBS teams before them hadn’t done and blew a 13-point lead in the final five minutes in the Gator Bowl against Tennesse.
I think you get the picture I’m trying to paint.
I don’t say all this for pity. I say this to present you with my mindset on Saturday when Indiana opened the year against No. 8 Penn State. When they led 17-7 at halftime, my hope battled with those repressed memories.
“Maybe this is finally the one!”
When Penn State took the lead on a 60-yard pass with 2:30 to go, I wasn’t surprised. When Indiana went four-and-out on the following series, the only frustration I had was with myself for choosing hope once again. I was so resigned to the inevitable that I left my living room to clean up as the final 100 seconds would tick away.
But when I returned, Indiana had the ball back. I would piece together that IU had let Penn State score, which ultimately just felt like a cruel trick to make this loss just a bit more heartbreaking.
They wouldn’t even convert a first down I told myself. They did
Yeah but they couldn’t actually put together a drive. They did.
Ok but at the goal line, they wouldn’t be able to punch it in. They did
Ha! This is where they’ll get me. They won’t convert the two-point attempt. They did.
My head was telling me to stop hoping yet my body was certainly not getting memo as I was on the edge of my seat, heart racing and palms sweating.
A feeling of inevitably swept over when Penn State scored on its first possession and Indiana responded by getting to the goal line before facing third down. This is how it’ll end. This is the Indiana I know.
Except Michael Penix (pronounced PEN-ix, but you’ll forgive me for the immature jokes) delivered a dart on that third down for a touchdown. The ensuing seconds where I realized Indiana was going to attempt a two-point conversion for the win was unchartered waters. I hadn’t experienced this type of loss. I don’t know how to prepare for this one.
So, I chose hope.
What unfolded will go down in Indiana football lore (low bar, but still). A collapsed pocket blew up the designed play and forced improvisation only for a Penix extension (I warned you) for the pylon led to my most excruciating moments as Indiana fan.
On the field, the referee signaled the score was good. After reflex celebrations, I released what would happen as the officials headed to the replay screen.
Indiana, who always seemed to find itself on the wrong end of crucial decisions in these types of games against the Big Ten’s elites, was about to see it’s landmark moment turned into “what if” for Indiana fans to ponder for decades.
And then….”the call on the field stands.”
I can’t tell you exactly what I did after those words because I can’t remember. There was yelling. And jumping. And running. Plenty of celebrating. We finally had our moment.
In a basketball state at a basketball school, there are few fans who self-identify as Hoosier football fans. I didn’t until 2009 and there were many, many, many before me who suffered heartbreaks I don’t even know about.
But I can tell you that I wasn’t the only one among them that chose hope on Saturday. And it felt damn good to finally have that hope validated.
What I’m watching
Only two movies this week but both are horror movies for obvious reasons. Hereditary is an absolute must for those looking for something a bit creepy this Halloween weekend. Green Room, meanwhile, was a tremendous recommendation even if it was a little too on-the-nose at times.
What I’m listening to
This album was released on Thursday night and I’ve listened to it twice through while writing this newsletter (shoutout to the fellow procrastinators).
What I’m reading
New York Times - The Erasure of Mesut Ozil, Rory Smith and Tariq Panja
Throwdowns - NBA Free Agency Preview: Justin Holiday, by Alex Regla
Quote of the Week
“Strike three! Dodgers have won it all in 2020!” - Joe Buck
To any Dodger fans reading this, enjoy the World Series title. I know it came with lots of heartbreak. Just do so safely, please.